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Paying Last Respects - a Professional Perspective

Preparing to pay your last respects to a loved one is a difficult task at a time when you are struggling with grief, whether the loss was expected or sudden.  As a professional and trained Funeral Celebrant, I specialise in conducting customised funeral and memorial services.  I believe that funerals and memorials should be an enriching experience to help cope with loss and that by helping you say farewell, remember and celebrate the life that has passed, it will help you through the grief process.   Marking the milestone of this transition is an important step in that process.

Choosing a Celebrant

 I am available to provide advice and to accompany the family to the Funeral Directors if requested.  Funeral Directors may also refer clients to me.. Most people don’t realise that you can contact a Funeral Celebrant directly.  They head to the Funeral Director's and are guided by them.  Often people are overwhelmed by grief when they need to do sort out the funeral service, or have never had to deal with this situation before., so having a celebrant there to help with choices can ease the stress.

Types of Services

There are now usually a variety of options available for services, whether at a crematorium or cemetery, at home or other venues. You can discuss some of those options with me, including types of services conducted before or after a private cremation.  I am able to provide services at almost any venue.. Your wishes are paramount and I take pride in crafting a service that reflects the personality and celebrates the life of your loved one in the style that you wish.   You may choose a totally secular service, semi-religious or religious.  A lot of people are opting for a “no fuss” attitude for their funeral.  Partly this is to minimise the costs.  However, a funeral/memorial is the final opportunity to say goodbye to a loved one, an occasion for family and friends to come together to support one another and an important element of the grieving process.  This can be especially important if there are unresolved feelings to deal with - guilt, anger, hurt.  Older generations miss the chance to say goodbye if there is no service, as it has been a traditional milestone during their lifetimes.

Pre-planning and Your Wishes

 Even if you put your funeral wishes in a will or the My Choices booklet, they are not legally binding. Therefore, it is important to decide in advance who you want to give instructions for your funeral – someone you can trust and is likely to be there at the time.  If you are married, this person is usually your spouse; if you are both elderly, it may be one of your children. If you have a Funeral Celebrant, they can also keep notes of what your wishes are and communicate them to the funeral director and/or family members. I have a "My Choices" booklet (see link to the left) available for this purpose. Discussions can include some objective advice on options available.  Your family can then contact the Celebrant in the first instance and the Celebrant can assist them through the process with the Funeral Director, knowing your wishes will be considered in the decisions made.
​I am happy to assist with pre-planning and want to help you to be remembered in the sort of ceremony you would choose, to express your own personality and to comfort those you leave behind, as grandly or simply as you wish. 

Years of Experience

Unfortunately, we have all been to bad funerals and by choosing a Civil Celebrant who has had professional funeral training and is used to public speaking, you can make the difference between having a memorable and moving ceremony and one that is remembered for all the wrong reasons.  .As one of my clients, you receive the benefit of the years that I worked in Local and Coroner's Courts and as a Police Officer,  where I had many occasions to deal with people suffering major grief and trauma. The training and real-life experience involved has helped give me a unique perspective in this sphere. Since 2009, I have now conducted a vast number of services, ranging from a combined Naming and Funeral for a stillborn child to a large, extended service with multiple branches of Emergency Services as they paid tribute to a colleague and friend.

Eulogies - a Different Approach

The death of a friend or family member is one of the times when we are called upon to be our strongest; and we're often faced with decisions and situations that may seem beyond our understanding or control.  Expressing thoughts and feelings in a eulogy may assist in dealing with some of the overwhelming feelings. 

A eulogy does not have to be a formal speech. Whether long and formal or short and casual, the most tradition is a biographical speech – reciting the historical facts – births, childhood, schooling, marriage, children, work, etc.  Maybe one idea is for the celebrant to read the biographical story, leaving family and friends to use some of the following methods.

A eulogy can be a tribute of any kind. Some of the other styles are:

1. A story or anecdote from the life of the deceased. Often, a true story is the most personal way of memorializing someone. It serves to remind the mourners who the deceased really was.  Often they way you met can be the source for this.
2. A letter written to the deceased. Intimate and personal, a letter helps you and the other mourners honour the life of your loved one and make peace with their passing.  Letting out conflicting feelings (just remember to still respect the feeling and grief of other mourners) can be cathartic. 
3. A poem – either chosen or written. Poetry is often one of the most emotionally effective ways of communicating.  I have a wide range of suitable poems for you to chose from.
4. A brief listing of the deceased's achievements. Succinct and formal, such a listing is the perfect way to summarize the life of someone who was goal-oriented and driven.  A cheat's way to do this is to get hold of the deceased's resume as it shows what they consider to be their own achievements and may illuminate some things you did not know about. Or it could be their Service History (military or Emergency Services)
5. A slide show or video show of the deceased with family. Sometimes words are not even necessary. Very often, all we need to honour someone's memory is to see photos, or watch a video, and reminisce about good times, well spent.  Their favourite music can accompany the slide show.
6. Memorable quotes- a list of funny or important things that your loved one had said in his or her life. This is a tried-and-true method of speaking simply and effectively.
7. A favourite childhood story that fits the occasion. For many of us, our childhood memories are bitter-sweet. A poignant or even funny story from childhood gives your tribute a sense of history and warmth.
8. Lessons you have learnt from the deceased – a tribute to the lasting impression they have made on your life and that you will carry forward.